is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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