She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
