Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
