She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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