That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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