I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
