I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
