I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
