9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I have tasted many bathrooms
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
