Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
