Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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