You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
