new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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