shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
