That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
