I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
