Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
