his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
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