The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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