Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
