He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
