I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Houston, we have a squirter
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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