That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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