I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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