Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
