All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
