guys are only as good as the porn they watch
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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