is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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