I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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