Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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