i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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