Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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