U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just pynch a tree in the face
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
