just come out here and I will go home with you...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
