i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Boobs are out for the taking
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
