The maid of honor just puked.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You're a waste of cheezeits
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
