Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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