either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
My life is pants optional.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
