Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
