Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
