I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
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