Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
