So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Randomize
