I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
