The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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