My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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