i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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