"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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