I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
