She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
