True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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