Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
