Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
