i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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