so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
