I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
