I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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