Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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