And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
