Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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