Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
