So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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