You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
handjob tips. give me some.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
