I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
