16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
