Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
