Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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