I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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