Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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