he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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