trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
