Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
