Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
