3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
