All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
