i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
